Francine
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I did not expect to face so many challenges, including its impact on my career
by Francine, Wellspring Member
I’m back at work full time and loving my life more than ever before. My life is very different now. I am a different person and happy to be me.
I am a self-employed business woman who has orchestrated international projects and conferences worldwide. I love my work. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I did not expect to face so many challenges, including its impact on my career.
I was diagnosed with cancer in October 2006. The tumor was located inside the bone of the lower front jawbone. For approximately a year before my diagnosis, the dental specialist thought it was a bone cyst and wasn’t worried. I had a few surgeries to correct this, but it wasn’t healing. After a deeper biopsy was done, a rare form of cancer was confirmed. Two weeks later, I was having a 10-hour surgery.
My surgery involved a tracheotomy and a neck incision from ear to ear to get access to the tumor. They removed part of my jawbone, floor of my mouth, nine lower teeth and two dozen lymph nodes. The nerve and muscle in my lower jaw were cut and I have lost the feeling of my lower lip and chin.
The reconstruction was done by taking the fibula bone in my leg and shaping it to form my jaw bone. It was held in place with a titanium plate attached to the remaining mandible on both sides. Arteries and veins were reconnected. The skin from my leg was used to form the floor of my mouth. This new skin was attached under my tongue as a flap which allowed me to talk, swallow and eat.
The surgery was extremely difficult. Physically, I was so swollen and I could barely recognize myself in the mirror. Psychologically, I felt I had lost my identity.
My recovery was slow and painful. I encountered many challenges and difficulties and had to learn new ways to enable myself to function again. The long wound on my leg made walking and using stairs very strenuous. The lack of feeling in my lower lip made eating or drinking a major challenge, often with spills all over me. Even the simple task of drinking water would trigger swelling of my skin graft in my mouth and make my speech unclear. And, because the muscle and nerve in my chin were cut, my lower lip pulls in and I sound different.
Before cancer, I used to joke that I couldn’t even go out in public without makeup on, and now I had to face the world with a damaged off-centered jaw line, swollen face and missing teeth. There were so many stares and people turning away. I felt so lost and alone. At times, I felt it would have been easier to die on the operating table rather than going through such a painful experience. However, I chose to keep fighting. I hoped to get back into life fully, including my working life.
For several months I was unable to perform many of my job responsibilities, which is worrisome for someone who is self-employed. I didn’t want to let my clients down. Fortunately, I had friends who chipped in when I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to work. After a couple of months of recuperation at home and hiding behind my computer screen, I was back doing parts of my work. Being self-employed meant that I didn’t qualify for government programs, and all my bills still needed to be paid. I had to work.
The hardest part of my return to work journey was the “on site” project management at events. I had to travel, sometimes to other countries. I couldn’t eat regular food and I had a constant dry mouth that impacted my ability to speak. My neck didn’t move very well, I had scars, and my leg ached after any physical activity. I stood out when I just wanted to blend in.
I had fatigue for a long time and struggled to keep up. It took well over a year for me to fully regain my strength and be back working to my full abilities.
The emotional impact of cancer was huge as it changed my facial appearance. I needed to get back to “normal” emotionally. I needed to be part of living again. I needed to contribute, to give back as I was given. I had tremendous support during my journey and it was time for me to give back to others.
I’m back at work full time and loving my life more than ever before. My life is very different now. I am a different person and happy to be me.
My message to other cancer patients who are struggling with returning to work is not to be afraid of what lies ahead. Confront your fears and push forward. I have endured many experiences that challenged me to the core, upon which I can now look back with pride.
My other message would be to use the resources that are available to you. I will always be grateful for the supportive services I accessed along my journey. When the world turned away from me because of how I looked as a result of cancer, the support network I developed welcomed me with open arms.
I’ve been asked if I wished I never had cancer. My response is that I wouldn’t go back to who I was before. I have grown tremendously as a person, I’ve developed new friendships, and have had my longtime friends rally behind me. And I’ve returned to a job that I love. I wouldn’t go back, not anymore.
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